Emotionally Mentally Physically
by ChaosFTW
Summary: Sasuke and Naruto play a game to see who can psyche the other out first. It gets rather... Bizzarre.


A/n: Based on the very obvious knowledge guys will not talk to each other unless

A. Barricaded in with a 3 foot wall between them

Or my theory:

B. Being forced to talk with a lie detector strapped to them lol. X3

Warnings: Shounen ai, fluff (kinda) wierdness, possible spelling/grammar errors (un beta'd) Swearing.

Disclaimer: Will never own as much as it pains me.

"Teme! Quit being an ass and play a game with me! It won't kill you!" Naruto's voice ripped through the peace of the evening like gunshot. Sasuke could already feel the headache building up.

"Aren't we a little old for stupid games dobe?" he drawled lazily, one hand sliding through his raven bangs. Both teens were currently in the dobe's living room, as part of Kakashi's training regime for them. He claimed it was critical that Sasuke was to go through "teamwork training" again after returning to the village after being solely concentrating on revenge for so long. He called this new torture- Ehem, sorry- MISSION:

"Bonding time."

Both boys had code named it PMS Endurance (1). How had the "regime" got it's name I hear you ask? The answer? Sakura. 1/2 the time she was drooling over Sasuke, and the rest of the time she was smacking Naruto upside the head in anger. Some bonding time right? "_Schizophrenic moron." _Sasuke idly thought. Thankfully the pinkette had been sent to the hospital to do an extra shift and the boys had oh so conveniently forgot to mention it to Kakashi. So that was how they managed to rid themselves of the bi polar nutter for one evening and how they were landed in Naruto's apartment bored stiff. Which brings us back to the present time: Naruto trying to relieve the boredom by digging out a very old (from the look of the tattered box) game from the chaos of his cupboard.

"Fine, what do we need to do dobe?" Sasuke asked resignedly, hoping that agreeing would stop the headache that was sure to come if the blond nagged him for the rest of the night.

"YAY TEME!!" Naruto yelled excitedly and proceeded to rip the lid off the games box. Sasuke twitched. The raven didn't believe in God, but if he did he would've believed that the Almighty wanted him deaf before the age of 20. Naruto shuffled a small deck of cards and separated them out, with 3 for each player. Sasuke had blue, Naruto had red (the closest colour to orange surprise, surprise), upturning the 4th card which was silver and giving them one each.

"O.K rules teme. The game's called Emotionally Physically, Mentally and the aim of the game is to traumatise your opponent into giving up. See the three cards?" Sasuke looked at his pile and nodded. "on them are written a letter E,P, or M. You overturn the first card on your pile and ask the other player a question. The question must relate to either- their emotional weakness, their mental weakness, or their physical weakness, depending on which letter is on the card you turn over.

_Mentally _is used for facts

_Emotionally_ is used for feelings

_Physically_ is used in a situation that requires you to touch the other player.

If the person you ask the question to doesn't want to answer, can't answer, or is proved wrong- the other person wins. A forfeit is given to the loser."

"But what's the silver card for? It doesn't have a letter on it." Sasuke asked, pointing to the card in question. Naruto held it up

"This teme, is a mirror card. It can be used to deflect a question back to your opponent forcing them to answer instead of you, but can only be used once and if it makes sense."

"what do you mean- _if it makes sense _dobe?"

Naruto thought for a minute trying to come up with a scenario.

"Well supposing for _Mentally_ you asked Sakura for a fact about herself like- what bra size are you? She couldn't deflect it back for obvious reasons." Naruto said grinning and gesturing to the ravens flat chest. Sasuke raised an eyebrow at the suggestion and mentally shuddered at the thought of enquiring after Sakura's bra size.

"_If she wears a bra at all. She doesn't look like she needs them anyway_" his evil inner self cackled. He was hard pressed hiding the smirk on his face. A smirk which was soon taking away.

"Oh yeah and you have to be hooked up to the lie detector to avoid any fibbing." the blond added airily. Sasuke flinched and a slight sense of discomfort overtook him. A lie detector? Would it work? Was it reliable? They measure nerve impulses and heartbeat and.. (2)

Why was he panicking like this?

Hell he was Sasuke Uchiha! He could lie his way out of anything. Sasuke nodded in consent as Naruto straightened up and sat cross legged Indian style. He was now in the _zone_. And in the zone only two things mattered beating Sasuke and ramen supplies. In one hand he twiddles his chopsticks and in the other, took out the lie detector which he strapped to his finger and handed Sasuke his. Sasuke strapped it on and eyed it warily, taking note of the flashing green light on it. Naruto smiled and turned over the first card for the raven. On the card was a M in big bold font. Naruto collected his thoughts before asking him his first question.

"If you could take one object with you to a desert island what would it be Sasuke?" Sasuke bit his lip. He knew what he'd _like_ to take but there was no way he was telling the dobe ANYTHING. He looked scornfully at the equipment on his finger, not believing for a second it would work. He opened his mouth confidently and said the first plausible lie that came into his head.

"Kunai. To protect myself." At once it felt like he'd stuck his hand in a plug socket because a volt of electricity shot up his arm as the green lights on the lie detector turned red, as a buzzing sound filled his ears. Naruto snorted and was quick to chide the Uchiha

"I'll give you another shot Sasuke but another lie detected and you're out of the game. No one lies during this." Panic gripped the Uchiha. He couldn't lie! _He couldn't fucking lie!!_ His sharingan was flaming in his anger and panic. Naruto tutted

"Sasuke, you agreed to play right? I warned you about the lie detector. The whole point of the game is to learn more about your opponent. Think of it as… gathering intelligence" The Uchiha huffed and crossed his arms childishly, glaring at the lie detector trying to use his psychic powers to burn a hole through it.

"So answer my question Sasuke." Naruto urged. The stoic teen sighed and tried to muster as much dignity as he could.

"I'd take…"

"yes?"

"I'd take…"

"Yeah?!"

"I'd take…"

"Spit it out goddammnit!" Naruto yelled.

"My Naruto plushie!" Sasuke ground out, tone murderous, eyes screwed tight shut in embarrassment. Naruto looked at him in total silence.

"Erm… A plushie of me?" A nod was his only response. Forgetting the disturbing question of _how_ his best friend had acquired a plushie of him Naruto was more concerned of the reasoning behind it. "Can I ask _why?!_"

Sasuke didn't need to look at the lie detector to know it was mocking him. "I wouldn't be on my own that way then dobe." Sasuke threw in the insult to save face. At this however the blond melted.

"Sasu-teme! You do care!" he cried leaning over the cards to bear hug his best friend. Sasuke shoved him off giving him a look that plainly said _**you are going to die for this dobe**_. Naruto chuckled nervously and decided now was NOT the time to point out that Sasuke could've used his mirror card on that question… As it was the blond awaited his fate, feeling like a lamb going to the slaughter. Sasuke turned over the card.

**E** for emotionally. Ah now he had his chance to royally screw the dobe.

"So tell me Naruto." the Uchiha said placidly, linking his hands together. "How did it feel holding me in your arms when I was dying in the haku arc?" On cue the blush spread across the dobes face and the inner Sasuke cackled in his evil brilliance. Naruto tried to think of a loophole. None came to mind. The mirror card was useless because the question couldn't be applied to Sasuke and the lie detector caught every thought that crossed your mind. He dug his nails into the palm of his hand and decided on a half truth.

"It felt fucking awful cause I thought you were going to die and I didn't want to loose you!" Sasuke shook his head, revelling in the blonds humiliation.

"Listen to the question baka. I was asking about how you felt about _holding me_ not how it felt to see me dying." Naruto decided to say it fast, loud and… Indistinguishable

"**ITFELTREALLYNICECUSINEVERGOTCLOSEENOUGHTOANYONELIKETHATBEFORE!!" **Sasuke looked at him blankly.

"Now say it so I can understand it." The blond raised his eyes skyward in what Sasuke assumed was a silent prayer to stop the torture.

"I said it felt nice." Naruto hissed between his teeth. There was no way he was repeating the earlier statement, better to be concise than mushy. Sasuke smirked at the dobe. He was so easy to mess with, yet it never got boring. Naruto flipped over his next card in mute silence. **E.** "Ah, revenge is sweet." Naruto thought blissfully.

"So Sasuke teme, what exactly were you feeling t the Valley of the End when you said "Naruto I…" and then cut off?" Sasuke visably paled. (An amazing feat really considering Sasuke was already corpse like in his skin tone)

"I-I thought you were unconscious!" "_Shit he didn't catch me leaning over him did he? I'm so screwed if he did…"_

"I was on the brink Teme, I could still hear but my sight was gone and then I blacked out properly a few seconds later." Sasuke let out the breath he'd been holding in.

"I… I felt…" Sasuke cut off, the memory burned deep, deeper than the humiliation.

"I was sorry. I felt sorry for you and for myself. HAPPY?!"  
"And what were you going to say?"

"1 question only remember Naruto?" Sasuke snapped, cutting the other boy off. Naruto shrugged and threw his hands up in mock surrender.

"O.K jeez, don't go all Ice princess on me PLEASE." Sasuke glared and picked up Naruto's second card. **M** for mentally.

"Naruto- what attracts you to Sakura?"

"Doesn't that come under emotionally Sasuke?"

"No, I'm asking for simple facts which attract you."

"Fine." Naruto pouted and Sasuke grinned. "I like her hair, it's different. I like her strong personality, she's got attitude. I like her slender body." Naruto blushed at this, refusing to go into any more detail about her "slender body". "And… And…"

"out of reasons already dobe?" Sasuke asked raising one eyebrow? "You're infatuated with her for 3 reasons?" Naruto cringed realising that Sasuke's words were true. The grounds to be in love with her were very shaky when his feelings were put down in black and white like this. Sasuke sighed.

"Don't you think it might be a good idea to let her go?"

"Teme! So you can have her?! No freaking way in hell!" Sasuke scoffed and turned away

"I wouldn't want her even if she came with a free ticket to Barcelona and a Mercedes." Naruto just stared at him and then commented lightly

"You're weird teme."

"Just get on with it." Sasuke muttered, a light blush covered his cheeks and Naruto couldn't help but stare. He'd never seen a blush on the teme before and in a weird way it suited him. Made him look less… Intimidating? Sasuke was cursing himself "_why the hell are you asking the dobe about weird things like that? If he loves Sakura then it's none of my business! I can't stop him. But I don't want him to get hurt either... And I know they wont work together." _Sasuke shook his head like a dog trying to rid its ears of water and regarded Naruto's hand on top of the last card. They both knew what was coming. **Physically. **Touch. Sasuke's worst nightmare. A bead of sweat rolled off his forehead and Naruto smirked slightly.

"O.K teme, my question: Are you anorexic or just incredibly athletic?" Sasuke blinked trying to register the insanity of the question, when Naruto was on top of him pushing him back. Trying to roll up his shirt. Before he could hook two fingers under the material however Sasuke had practically yelled

"MIRROR CARD!!" and had his hand covering his face protectively using the silver card as a shield.

"Definitely weird." Naruto said dryly sitting back on his heels. When Sasuke did nothing but remain glued in the same position Naruto tapped him. "Teme? You said mirror card- so you have to throw the same question back at me. Which means you need to… examine me so to speak." There was the blush again. Naruto frowned as Sasuke lowered his arms but made no movement to come closer.

"Teme, if you don't do anything- I win." he pointed out and the raven blanched.

"I… I don't like touching people." was the quiet murmur from Sasuke's lips. Naruto cocked his head

"Why?" Sasuke swallowed. Touch. Being touched. Those hands… That _tongue_… The helplessness…

"…Orochimaru." (3) he said finally refusing to look at the blond. It took a few seconds for the penny to drop and when it did all that registered on Narutos face was a grimace of anger. He leaned over and rested his forehead against Sasuke's much to the ravens surprise.

"I'm not Orochimaru. I'm your best friend, and you have to trust me." Naruto inwardly cringed at how cliché the statement sounded.

"And how do you propose to make me "trust you?" Sasuke asked tersely. The blond rolled his eyes and grabbed the ravens hand, placing it on the corner of his shirt.

"Do the question." It wasn't a reply it was a command. Sasuke gritted his teeth and slid his hands under the material, repeating the phrase _I will not loose to the Usuratonkachi_ over and over again like a mantra. Sasuke closed his eyes, trying to relax and steady his heartbeat letting his hands ghost over the tan skin, going from Narutos hips to his ribs and down to his stomach. And to Sasuke's surprise… The nerves slowly disappeared. The mental images of Orochimaru were fading away . He jumped however as he felt hands slide round his hips and pull him down, close to the blond so his ear was pressed against Naruto's cheek. He shivered as moist hot breath tickled the shell of his ear.

"See? It's not so hard to trust me is it teme?" Sasuke closed glassy eyes and allowed himself to be held. Naruto could barely prevent the fox like grin from spreading across his face because he knew it meant his best friend had come back. Not the distant shell that had abandoned them all for power, the real Sasuke who argued with Naruto, had fun with Naruto, liked to be in Naruto's presence though he tried to deny it.

"Dobe?"

"Hm?"

"You said the whole point was to traumatise your opponent right?"

"Yeah?"

"Well then I know my next question."

"Go on."

"What would it feel like to kiss you?"

Naruto looked at Sasuke warily.

"Sasuke have you been drinking?"

"No."

"Then why would you-?!" Naruto was cut off abruptly as Sasuke's mouth covered his own, and after a couple of moments in shock, the blond attempted to struggle violently, fighting the instinctive impulse to close his own eyes and kiss back. Naruto Uzumaki does NOT get manipulated. Then he realised what Sasuke's game was. Suffocation by kissing. Naruto was turning purple, but if he pulled away first it meant he would loose. Sasuke's eyes were closed but he could feel the smirk on his lips rather than see it reflected in his onyx orbs. And Naruto just couldn't take it anymore. He pulled away with a rather disgusting sound that sounded like a cross between a fart and a raspberry, gasping and panting.

"O.K you bastard you win you win just **GIVE ME AIR**!!" Sasuke smirked watching the dobe catch his breath, whilst his mind worked overtime calculating a suitable forfeit.

"O.K dobe, I know your punishment for failing." Naruto closed his blue eyes and flinched awaiting the blow.

"Be my boyfriend."

Outside the window a silver haired jonin sat with Icha Icha Paradise open on his lap. He smirked beneath his face mask watching Naruto's shouts of indignation being silenced by Sasuke's lips, and casually flipped the page.

"Well they certainly passed Teamwork Training."

A/N: The end! Drop me a review if you feel like it :D

(1) I was tired. Cut me some slack. --;;;;;

(2)have no real idea on how lie detectors work except from heart beat measurement so just go with me.

(3) Oh come on, everyone's wondered if Orochimaru molested Sasuke at some point.

I was deliberating on a sequel… Not sure if I will


End file.
